judgement.

“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.” –- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Recently, I had a wonderful conversation with a colleague and dear friend of mine.  It prompted me to re-explore my thoughts on judgement; what it means to judge, why we do it, and the importance that awareness in judgement has in maintaining healthy relationships with others and most importantly with ourselves.

Judgement is very important in life to survive.  We use our better judgement in circumstances like knowing when it is safe to cross the street or what our body needs in order to restore. We also tend to use judgement in a less fruitful way which results in forming unnecessary opinions of ourselves or others, or holding onto resentments.

For example, there are many times in life where we think we know what’s best for others. This could present as thinking our friends, family, or even those we dislike aren’t in the right job, picked the wrong partner, isn’t doing<insert action> enough, or they’re expressing themselves in the world incorrectly … Basically, we are passing judgements that are often solely based on what we are observing from the outside from a somewhat superficial standpoint.

Digging deeper, I realize the real issue might really be within ourselves and how much we pass harsh judgements on our every thought, action, and motive. We can surround ourselves with feelings of shame, unworthiness, and rejection with what we feed our minds and bodies with. Have you ever had a thought along the lines of “Why did I eat that extra cookie?”, “If I wasn’t so <insert negative adjective>, I’d have a much more fulfilling life.”, or “If I say the wrong thing at [work, class, social event], no one’s going to like me.” Is this proving anything to continually live in a fear-based negative judgement loop? Are we getting ahead staying behind in our judgmental thoughts? Is it possible that with unconditional love and acceptance for ourselves, the negative judgements we project on our external life could soften, making things feel more harmonious? …Something to ponder

So why do we judge beyond what’s appropriate for survival? Is it a coping mechanism? Are we experiencing mannerisms in others that remind us of what we need to work on ourselves? Why do we often need a strong force of nature to remind us that everyone has a story and a reason why they ended up where they are? Why are we so hard on ourselves?

I’m going to leave these questions open-ended, as there are so many reasons we do the things we do. It’s merely scratching the surface of a characteristic that has been a part of us our whole lives.  Perhaps it is an opportunity to reflect on how you perceive yourself and the world around you, and creating awareness on strong judgements you may have to either or both.  Mixed in all of our patterns and defenses are beautiful beings that can be seen if you take the time to look. It is the basis of the saying, and I say this from my heart to yours, “The light in me honors the light in you”… with no judgements

yin yang balance.

“Compare birth with death, compare death with life; compare what is possible with what is not possible and compare what is not possible with what is possible; because there is, there is not, and because there is not, there is.”  ~Chuang Tzu

The beauty and grace of nature, the seasons, and elements are always around us, graciously offering all the resources we need to learn to be balanced and live a fulfilling life.  Thousands of years ago, scholars in China committed their life to having a deep understanding of the correlation between nature and the human body.  They interpreted natural phenomena and observed how these are reflected in the human body in health and disease. This is when the theory of Yin and Yang became an integral part of Chinese philosophy.

It is said that all phenomena in life can be reduced to Yin and Yang.  Essentially, they are opposite ends of a spectrum that cannot exist without each other. In a state of harmony, Yin and Yang will continue to balance one another out.  For example, a shadow (yin) cannot exist without light (yang). Playing all day (yang) necessitates some rest, relaxation and reflection (yin) to recharge. To reproduce life, male energy (yang) must be combined with female energy (yin).  Day light (yang) is as equally important as night (yin). Too much on one end of the spectrum will lead to a disharmony that if gone too long without change, can lead to a dis-ease.  Think of a time where you had to stay awake all night, or a time when there was a drought that jeopardized food crops, or how you feel when you skip eating a meal; what we are experiencing is a tip in the balance scale of life that sends a message to us saying that change (like sleep, rain water, or food intake) is needed. Sometimes these messages are loud and clear, but other times we need gentle reminders to look inside, take inventory and listen to what our bodies or the world around us is asking of us.

Balance is a state of being that we all strive to be in whether we’re conscious of it or not. We as Chinese Medicine Practitioners aim our treatments to guide the body towards a state of balance and harmony. Over time (which varies),  the body is exposed  to the proper amount of needle stimulation, herbs, energetic movement,  bodywork, nutrition, and/or lifestyle coaching to see positive, harmonious changes in all of the realms of health.  It may be a complicated system that takes years and years to start to really understand, but ultimately it always goes back to the same principle: balance. Is the body, mind, and spirit in balance?

Start to take inventory of your life, relationships, and wellbeing and see if you’re able to break it down in terms of yin and yang.  For every yin is there a yang? If not, can there be? Any “aha!” thoughts coming to you?  Some relationships to consider with this: Give and take, work and play, awake and sleep, social and alone, energy input and output (food and exercise), listening and speaking… if you go out for a walk outside, are you noticing the yin and yang of nature?

A chart that breaks down some key relationships in Yin Yang Theory:

Enjoy thinking of this new way of looking at relationships in life and happy Sunday! Please share your thoughts, comments, or questions that may come up!