“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.” –- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Recently, I had a wonderful conversation with a colleague and dear friend of mine. It prompted me to re-explore my thoughts on judgement; what it means to judge, why we do it, and the importance that awareness in judgement has in maintaining healthy relationships with others and most importantly with ourselves.
Judgement is very important in life to survive. We use our better judgement in circumstances like knowing when it is safe to cross the street or what our body needs in order to restore. We also tend to use judgement in a less fruitful way which results in forming unnecessary opinions of ourselves or others, or holding onto resentments.
For example, there are many times in life where we think we know what’s best for others. This could present as thinking our friends, family, or even those we dislike aren’t in the right job, picked the wrong partner, isn’t doing<insert action> enough, or they’re expressing themselves in the world incorrectly … Basically, we are passing judgements that are often solely based on what we are observing from the outside from a somewhat superficial standpoint.
Digging deeper, I realize the real issue might really be within ourselves and how much we pass harsh judgements on our every thought, action, and motive. We can surround ourselves with feelings of shame, unworthiness, and rejection with what we feed our minds and bodies with. Have you ever had a thought along the lines of “Why did I eat that extra cookie?”, “If I wasn’t so <insert negative adjective>, I’d have a much more fulfilling life.”, or “If I say the wrong thing at [work, class, social event], no one’s going to like me.” Is this proving anything to continually live in a fear-based negative judgement loop? Are we getting ahead staying behind in our judgmental thoughts? Is it possible that with unconditional love and acceptance for ourselves, the negative judgements we project on our external life could soften, making things feel more harmonious? …Something to ponder 
So why do we judge beyond what’s appropriate for survival? Is it a coping mechanism? Are we experiencing mannerisms in others that remind us of what we need to work on ourselves? Why do we often need a strong force of nature to remind us that everyone has a story and a reason why they ended up where they are? Why are we so hard on ourselves?
I’m going to leave these questions open-ended, as there are so many reasons we do the things we do. It’s merely scratching the surface of a characteristic that has been a part of us our whole lives. Perhaps it is an opportunity to reflect on how you perceive yourself and the world around you, and creating awareness on strong judgements you may have to either or both. Mixed in all of our patterns and defenses are beautiful beings that can be seen if you take the time to look. It is the basis of the saying, and I say this from my heart to yours, “The light in me honors the light in you”… with no judgements
